march 11, 2016.

Picked up some new shoes after a wonderful experience at BlackToe Running (A++, highly recommend) and gave them a whirl with Adrian tonight. The shoes? Awesome. The shin splints? Nearly all gone. My run? Painful.
The first half was physically painful. The second half was emotionally unpleasant. I’ve been thinking a lot about where I was when I started this journey. Mostly because I’m finally at the point with my therapist where I’m able to look back on a lot of painful, awful, muddy stuff with a clearer mind and a little bit of humour. But also because I’ve been getting a lot of questions about how to stay motivated in regards to the gym and being active.
The truth is, working out often hurts. It’s uncomfortable, painful sometimes, sweaty and gross and there’s heartburn and sore muscles and running noses and tears. I can’t think of a single workout where some muscle didn’t go “what the f do you think you’re doing there, lady?” But 6 months ago I would have done anything to feel something. I spent months in a fog of numbness. The only emotions I seemed to feel were disgust for myself and frustration at my inability to do anything about it. I would wrap myself in a protective blanket of sadness and insulate myself from feeling.
So now when I’m out for a run or lifting heavy stuff or pushing myself at a class my inner voice mostly complains about the hard work and uncomfortableness but there’s a steady, quiet voice that’s so grateful to be feeling again. Whether it’s simply the sun on my face or the wind whipping around my head, the burning sensation in my chest or the pride in my accomplishments, I’m just happy to be feeling it.


march 8, 2016.

Hopefully this is my last jog spent dodging snowbanks and icy patches. My last few runs have suuucked and my shins are on fire half the time. I’m following a really gradual walk/run program and trying not to push too hard but still, my shins hate me. My friends who jog any tips?


march 8, 2016.

The ever lovely Jessica Blaine Smith sent this card my way a few weeks ago (thank you, Jess!) and it brought up a lot of thoughts and emotions for me. I know I post a lot on social media about this journey but privately it’s been difficult for me to acknowledge how hard I’ve been working or how tough things are. Change sucks, working out sucks (sometimes) and meal planning healthy meals week after week is rough. It gets easier, for sure, and the rewards are most definitely worth it but the day to day is not always sunshine and roses. Or cardio and kale. Thanks for reaching out, Jess. Your card made me take a few moments and give myself a pat on the back.



march 1, 2016.

I’ve been within a pound or two of the 70 pound milestone for WEEKS now. Plateaus really mess with your mind. So it was lovely to get on the scale this morning and see that not only did I break through my current plateau, I crushed it. 70 pounds in 5 months.


february 27, 2016.

I was going to hashtag this with ‪#‎humblebrag‬ but you know what, this brag is big and bold and not at all humble. This morning I did a BodyPump class, followed by a BodyAttack class and then I ran/walked at my best pace yet. I know, it’s horribly slow. I’m sure my running friends might not even call this a run, more like a shuffle. But I did it. I shaved almost a minute off my average pace. Did I want to go to the gym today? Nope. Did I want to go for a run after the sunset and all my motivation had set with it? Not in the least. But I feel amazing and awesome and so proud of myself.